Therapy

Since this running thing is almost over for the year, I think I need to fill the space with some meaningful posts. I was waiting for after the race but I got the urge to write, so here it is.
I think everybody has fears and problems, but since its not really accepted to put problems out in the open, I think we are forced to keep them in. I kind of came to a conclusion after a late night discussion with a relative stranger, that I should throw things out into the open in hopes that it might elicit a "I thought it was just me" type reaction.
I kind of realized that after the discussion that there was stuff I withheld from even the people I trusted the most. I maybe could have understood if it was something serious, but it was some of the smallest and most meaningless stuff.
One of the best examples I can give is my extreme insecurity. I used to not be able to take being a part of a joke because I would take it seriously even when I knew it was a joke. Ive come to realize that because of the insecurities, I would need constant positive reinforcement. Ive recently come to accept that running was a big part of my life because it would allow me to achieve such positive attention. I also realized that being in a relationship helped to erase the insecurity as well because it helped to produce a feeling of acceptance. I didnt have to worry about how unattractive I thought I was or how I skinny I was whenever I looked in the mirror.
Fortunately at some point I said "fuck it" and went through an acceptance phase. I no longer worry about my appearance and I have no problem being skinnier than I have ever been. So if you are dealing with a similar issue, you will get to a point where you will have to realize that you cant change who you are. You will feel great when you come to learn to accept this and not worry about things beyond your control.
Next up I think I will talk about my never ending social anxiety.